Looks Can Be Deceiving

I have been blessed with 3 amazing children and over the past couple of years I have realized that not only was I blessed with them, but yes, they were blessed with me. I don't say this to sound arrogant but I say this because I have always taken raising them seriously (even when it breaks my heart) I came to this revelation when about a year ago, a friend of mine said "Natasha, you make it look so easy." I explained to her that there is NOTHING easy about parenting and if people tell you it gets easier, THEY ARE LYING!!! It only looks easy because of all of the work I have put into being their mom.

People always talk about relationships being built on a foundation of trust and spirituality being based on a firm foundation of the knowledge of who Jesus Christ was and is in our lives. Parenting is no different. From the day we are given charge of them, we ought to be laying a foundation of who WE are in their lives...not who they are but who we are as parents. We should be letting them know that we are the authoritative figure, that we are the nurturer, that we are their closest confidant and their role model...NO WHERE does it say to be their friend or their peer. This child will grow, will change and will turn into whomever it is that they are called to be, but YOU...the base of who you are should be set and should not waiver to the extent of your child not knowing what to expect from you. BE the constant in the relationship.
 
Early on, I let my children know who I was and it let them know that "these are the parameters in which I am able to thrive in". In essence, it set three imaginary lanes that my son stepped into and has spend the past 15 years traversing life within and my daughters doing the same thing for 10 and 9 years. So I set the foundation and have continued to build on that. For example, I am able to walk in the mall without worrying about my kids bugging me for every single thing that they see because that has NEVER been o.k. I am able to go and have a conversation with one of my friends about a "grown-up" matter without a pre-pubescent little girl butting in because that has never been accepted.

People say "oh, but my children are all so different and I want them to be their own person." My children are still very individual. They each have very defined personalities and continue to blossom into amazing little people. This is all done in the lanes that I have given them to do so. When I have one wanting to run around to sporting events, I know to look in lane one. When I have one wanting to be the socialite, I know to look into lane two. When there is the one that wants to play and joke 24/7, I know to look into lane 3. THIS is how I am able to juggle this life as I do. The work is not diminished, but the hassle of trying to figure out 3 lives of 3 crazy children who all have 3 very different ideas of what day to day life would look like is non-existent because they all know to operate in MY life, not me into theirs.

Practically, what does that look like? It's simple...well, it's a simple word but a difficult practice. CONSISTENCY. Don't bend and certainly don't break because of the cute pouty face or puppy eyes. Lay your law and stick with it. After getting one too many citations for said law, they will remember the fines and fees associated with that law and stop breaking it. They won't even bother to ask you what the law is. Their friends will come over to your home and they will recite the law FOR their friends. This starts early. Don't live in the land of "whatever you like is o.k with me" and then when they are 15 years old you decide that said method isn't working for you so you punish THEM for not following new laws. Frankly speaking you should pay a penalty as well oh and believe me, you will. The arguments, disrespect and frustration that will come because you were "late to the parenting game" will be all the penalty you will need. But again, even at this stage in the game, consistency will be your only way out of the constant state of tension due to the new law of the land. Eventually someone will give in. Just don't let it be you.

So back to the initial statement, no, it's NOT easy and no, I wasn't given the world's most well behaved kids. Cutest, YES, but not best behaved. I helped them get to that place. I helped them get to a place of order and respect that has in turn, made my day to day life look easy. Setting the foundation for any lasting entity (building, marriage, faith, etc) is tough but it's a necessity if you want that entity to last and to withstand life. I started building the day the Dr said "it's a boy" and the foreman hasn't called "quittin' time" yet.